Taslima's Border

By Lopa Tasneem

E-mail: lopa_saleh@yahoo.com

I will start with an observation that I made in a social gathering a few years ago to make my point in this article.  After a traditional Bangladeshi dinner and dessert, all the female guests gathered in a room next to the kitchen to chat.  There were three women there, in their 30s – all married and mothers of two kids. The topics were kids, husbands, jewelry and sari. At one point, I just got curious to find out more about the women and asked them about their childhood.  Strangely enough they shared some common past.  All of them got married at the age of 18/19 against their will, had kids in 2 years of marriage, their husbands were at least 10 years older and they had never seen their husbands before marriage. They stopped going to school right after marriage, as their husbands wanted them to take care of the kids and the household chores. These women seemed happy with accomplished husbands and beautiful kids, but I was a little surprised to find out that underneath that seemingly perfect happiness, all of them had a layer of profound sadness at the core -- sadness for not being able to pursue college, sadness for not marrying someone up to the expectation.

Anyone who was born and brought up in Bangladesh would know that the story above is not an isolated case. This is the story in most middle class families. Very few people would realize the need for education and financial independence for a girl. Marriage and family are the ultimate goals of a woman. Very few girls have the freedom to choose their life partners and the kind of life they want to lead. Then there are male chauvinistic husbands who think, what really is humanity without family, spouse or especially children!  A girl’s place is at home, her duty is to take care of her husband and raise kids. Education always has less priority for girls.

However, only a handful of the women have the courage to become rebels and to break the norm of the society. These women realize that there is a vast world outside their homes in which women should have their footsteps. Begum Rokeya was one of these women who realized that women could and should do much more than just raising kids -- that women are no way inferior to their male counterparts. Did Begum Rokeya go outside her house and swim the river? Did she cross the border? Of course, she did!

Taslima Nasrin’s ‘border’ is not her own life story; it’s a poem about the oppressed women of our society. Taslima is a rebel. She had the courage to move beyond the norm of the society. But she sang the song of millions of Bangladeshi oppressed women in her poem. A woman must break the chains that her family ties her with. A woman should speak up. A woman should swim the river. A woman should not only walk but also dance. It is not easy for most men to break the male chauvinistic attitude of thousands of years in one life and understand the message Taslima is giving in her poem. It is not easy for them to realize the pain and agony a woman goes through during her lifetime for not being able to take full control of her life. Very few would realize that a woman has the need to know the world outside her house, that a woman is a human being too! I quote from another poem of Taslima:

“You’re a girl

And you’d better not forget

That when you step over the threshold of your house

Men will look askance at you.

When you keep walking down the lane

Men will follow you and whistle.

When you cross the lane and step onto the main road

Men will revile you and call you a loose woman!”

Taslima's private life in the discussion of her poems is totally irrelevant.  It’s very natural for most men to get worried when they see a woman talk like them, act like them. I understand that her love life and multiple marriages are matter of great concerns for people who were brought up in traditional, patriarchic society like ours. How dare a woman takes control of her love life, they might think! But I just request them to save those bashful, vulgar remarks for the discussion of the biography of the poet.  It is not our place to comment on her lifestyle and choices.  Let's stick to discussing the message that the *Poet* Taslima is trying to convey.